There was a time when I was completely burnt out from life. Mom” ing,” wife” ing,” maintaining home, working, and all while trying not to lose myself. And still, while fighting as hard as I could to stay afloat, I was sinking, drowning. So I checked out. I made excuses for why I couldn’t rest and why I had to meet unattainable expectations of myself. I made excuses for not writing or crafting. I found myself being overwhelmed before I even started on projects or goals. I felt lost.
I was getting signs all around me that said I needed to make time for rest and refocus on what’s most important, and let God meet me with the rest. Finally, I cracked, and it wasn’t pretty. I was sad that all I felt like was a wife and mom, especially when I love being both. I was mad that I hadn’t done anything to work on any goals. In the midst of my sadness and anger, I heard a still small voice. The Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “Are you upset enough to finally do something about it? You can be mad, but if you do nothing, you’ll be mad all over again in a few months.” I immediately clutched my imaginary pearls. The words cut me deeply. I began to think about other times I had gotten to this point and just put a band-aid on what I felt just to “move forward” and how that resulted in being right back at the same place, sometimes even worse. The Lord called me out; he was absolutely right. Was I mad enough to make a change?
Well, I was, I am. I asked God to show me what I needed to do, and His answer was simple:
Re-prioritize and rest.
I took a long, hard look at what I had been doing. I had been devoting all of my time to my babies, trying to keep the house in order (like raking leaves in the forest, by the way), and giving my husband whatever was left. I had no energy or drive to do anything for myself, and my spending time with God was nonexistent. Even though I was trying as hard as I could, I wasn’t progressing on anything.
I was led to read about the prophet Haggai. He was told by the Lord to go and deliver a message to the governor and high priest of Judah about God’s temple that was in ruins. He basically said: “My temple is a hot mess, and you and the people are making excuses about getting it together. How is it that you all are doing everything else you want to do, but when it comes to Me, you don’t have time, you’re too tired, or the kids got on your nerves today, or (insert your own reason)?” The book of Haggai doesn’t quite say it like that, but you catch my drift. (Read the story here). He went on to tell the people to think about their ways and to look at the results they were getting. They were working and working and had nothing to show for it. Ultimately, Haggai told them that their homes would lie in ruins until they took care of God’s temple.
I said okay God, but what does this have to do with me? I take care of your house. I give to the church and try to be a good steward of what You’ve blessed me with. How am I not taking care of your house? Then the Lord reminded me of 1 Corinthians 3:16-17.
You realize, don’t you, that you are the temple of God, and God himself is present in you? No one will get by with vandalizing God’s temple, you can be sure of that. God’s temple is sacred—and you, remember, are the temple.
1 Corinthians 3:16-17 (MSG)
The temple means you, too, Khelli. Mind blown. I had been running all around, caring for everything and everybody but me. Devoting my energy to places it didn’t need to be. I was operating out of order, and that’s why I always felt like I was fighting a losing battle and losing myself in the process. With that word, there was an instant change in my heart, and I could not return to just doing life as I had been.
Maybe you have felt burnt out or like you’re losing yourself. Or perhaps you’ve been working and running only to feel like you’re not accomplishing anything. You are not alone. I encourage you today to check in with God about what you’ve been making important. Ask God to show you what you need to focus on and the resources to help you take care of the other things. In the next few posts, I’ll cover how I prioritize different areas of my life. Until then, you owe it to yourself to be your best self.
Live convinced!
Convinced Image 