No Pictures Please

Like most moms, I have hundreds, if not thousands, of pictures of my kids. Them being silly or serious and everything in between. I noticed one thing while scrolling through my camera roll, I was missing. Not because I’m typically the one behind the lens, but even my typical string of selfies that would be there when I was feeling myself was, well, not there, and hadn’t been there in a while. 

I started this year off being the heaviest I’ve ever been. My weight was up, my lab values were all over the place, and I didn’t feel good or comfortable in my skin. In addition to being physically heavy, I felt mentally and spiritually heavy. I was in the thick of motherhood, parenting three kids at different cognitive stages. (My babies are 14, 5, and 1). I’ve been reparenting myself while parenting them because, quite frankly, I realized there were some areas where I could have used a different approach growing up; on top of that, I was struggling with my value and worth. Sprinkle in all that with being married and wanting to ensure our marriage thrived…whew!

Now don’t get me wrong, I thank God that I live a very blessed life, and while everything isn’t perfect or where I want it to be, He has been faithful in providing for me and mine.  I had to have an honest and hard look at myself and an honest (albeit) vulnerable conversation with God about where I was. If I was going to make some changes, I needed to get my mind together. One scripture that I began meditating on was 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

“Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own, You were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for, made His own]. So then, honor God and bring glory to Him in your body.”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Amplified

When I think about a temple, I think of a place that should be respected. I realized that I hadn’t been respecting my body or mind. I was eating like crap. I was giving myself completely to my duties of motherhood, being a wife, and working, and I had nothing left for myself or the Lord at the end of the day. I did a few practical and spiritual things to start to make changes:

1. I prayed and asked God to show me what I needed to do.
   • I specifically asked God to provide resources, help me not complicate things, and send the right people across my path to encourage me.
2. I saw my doctor!
   • I needed to know where I stood from a health standpoint. I asked questions about what dietary changes I needed to make and, due to my lab work, to see if I needed any pharmaceutical interventions temporarily to get things back in order. 
3. I read or said 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 out loud every day.
   • This was important to get this in my spirit and combat the negative thoughts that surfaced in my mind. 
4. I set some goals.
   • For me, my first goals were to drink 8 glasses of water a day and eat from my kitchen, and then my goals progressed as I became more consistent.
5. I got some accountability.
   • I told my husband and a friend about my goals. I also joined an accountability group of some of my family members committing to work on their health.
6. I asked for help and I started saying what I needed.
   • This was a big struggle for me; I don’t like asking for help, and vocalizing what I need has been something I’m actively working on.

These steps required additional work and commitment, but it was my starting place. I’m proud to say that I’m down 20 pounds so far, my energy levels have improved, the overall heaviness that I felt is gone, and last but not least, I started taking pictures again!

Until next time, Live Convinced!